What is Failure?

I have been thinking a lot recently about failure. I have been thinking about it in two areas, first in my professional life, second in my crossfit life.

In my professional life I have had to take a serious look at myself to decide what I want from my career. My job is something that I have for the most part enjoyed for the last 3 years, although for the past six months there have been periods of time where I just didn't want to be there.

Today I had a really good talk with my boss. She wanted to know if I still want to work at the company. Both her and the other partners want me to stay and continue working with the team and contribute, but only if I am truly committed. Here is the issue: even though I have enjoyed this job and have been somewhat successful at periods of time, I have never been "all in" committed. What does that mean to me? It means that I have shied away from the experiences that would cause me to fail. Instead, I have done the things that are easy that still allow me to make money and be "sorta" successful. This may be ok to some people, but as I look back on these last three years, I don't know if its ok with me.

So what do I do now? Do I quit this job and decide to strike out on my own? Do I stick with it and prove to myself that I am able to overcome this gigantic fear of failure that I have? Do I do something in the middle that keeps me right where I am right now?

I know that the last one isn't an option. I can't continue to be stagnant. Whether I stay at my job or I leave I crave that challenge. I almost feel like I need to fail. Why do you ask? Because its good for the soul. Failing (if you truly gave it your all) allows you to figure out what is most important to you. I think this is alot of the reason that I would like to be an instructor for Dale Carnegie. I want the challenge. I want the opportunity to fail, but at the very least I want to give it my all.

Crossfit
How does this fit into Crossfit? Well as you all know this fits in extremely well. Crossfit is all about failure and starting again. I don't remember exactly what my workout was the first day of Crossfit with Boz as my coach, however, I do remember that we did burpees and that I tapped out probably well short of half of what was prescribed. Since that time I have continued to fail but have also continued to bounce back and try new things.

One problem I see with my own crossfit training is that I still avoid certain things. Basically all gymnastic skills scare the crap out of me. I feel like I need some direct training in it. However, I also haven't tried enough because I am afraid to fail in this as well. I know this is an issue, and will directly be addressing this in the short term.

Going Forward
So what will I be doing to address my fear of failure? I will be tackling it head on. I am not sure what I will be doing about my job, but should have a decision very soon. Either way, I will be doing something that I may fail at. That is one of the things I am looking for.

I remember reading once that you need to fail at least five times a day. This seems pretty ridiculous at first...but if you think about it, if you aren't failing at least that often, you probably aren't pushing yourself.

How do you tackle your fear of failure (if you have it)? Also, what are the ways that you have failed in your professional life and have gotten over it? What about in crossfit?

Persistence

Persistence: according to Webster persistence is defined as: "the action of existing for a long or longer than usual time or continuously." Now, what does this have to do with Crossfit? Or even more importantly, your diet? It has everything to do with it.

As people we are constantly bombarded with advertisements for McDonald's, ice cream, bread, sugar; all of the things that we as followers of a Zone/Paleo diet need to keep out of our life. How do we do this on a long term basis? We need to be persistent. This means a couple of things to me. First off it means that if I fall off the wagon or eat an entire pizza in one sitting, I don't beat myself up over it. The second thing it means is that when that happens (and it will happen, its inevitable) the very next day or meal, I am right back to hitting my diet on target. Whether you Zone, eat Paleo or Primal, or even are on the Natural Hormonal Enhancement diet, you need to be able to jump right back in to good food choices.

I personally find it extremely difficult to adhere to a diet 365 days a year 24 hours a day. In fact I find it difficult to make it through a week sometimes. However, I have been very successful at losing weight and gaining muscle (45 pounds of weight lost and 15 pounds of muscle put on). This entirely has to do with the fact that I have been extremely persistent in my dietary habits over the last year. There are a couple of ways that we can increase our ability to stay persistent in our food habits:

• Eliminate all cheat foods from the house. This includes bread, pasta, vegetable oils, cake, cookies, basically anything that would allow you to have a breakdown.
  
• Eat at home. This is an extremely simple thing to do for some, and incredibly difficult for others. Prior to my shift to a zone/paleo diet a year ago, I had never cooked. Now I probably cook 15 meals a week at a minimum.
  
• Get your friends to buy in. Ok this is definitely the most difficult, but I am a big believer in telling people what you are doing. Some are going to tell you its stupid, others are going to be totally on board. In my opinion, letting people know forces you to stick with it because you know that they know what you are doing.
  
• Adapt your favorite foods. I love potatoes, specifically I love hashbrowns and french fries. Unfortunately neither food is really considered healthy in anyway whatsoever. I will on occasion make sweet potato french fries or hash browns. This is a great alternative that is significantly healthier than any regular potato dish you make. Plus this limits the cravings for regular fries.
• Go to the gym! This one is simple, if you are working out, you tend to feel like you need to eat better to match up with all the hard work you are doing on the elliptical (whoops! Wrong crowd. I meant on the rower!).
  

Now we come back to the question of how do we limit the damage if we do fall off the dietary wagon. One of the key things is knowing what you are doing and what you are going to do in the future to keep going strong on your diet. For example, lets say you are a zoner that is going out drinking with your friends on a Friday night. You are probably going to have some beer and hard alcohol, possibly even too much. One of the things that I would do in this case is to limit my carb intake for the day. I know I am going out drinking and I know that each beer is maybe 1.5 carb blocks, I just eliminate as many carbs as I can throughout the course of the day to make sure I am not overdoing it too much. You could also do this by limiting your carbs the following day.

Remember, this is a marathon not a sprint. We have changed our lifestyles so that we can live a longer and healthier life. Not a life devoid of pleasure. If you have a piece of chocolate cake just remember that when you have breakfast the next morning it is going to be your perfectly healthy meal of some eggs, coffee, and a couple of pieces of fruit. We should strive to be hitting our dietary eating goals (i.e. what we put in our mouths) about 5-6 days a week. Some can do better, most cannot. This is something that is difficult for everyone. Just remember if you aren't perfect one day, get right back to it the next.

What are your ways to stay persistent in your diet? Also, what helps you to be persistent in every part of your life? Please post to comments.

Sergeant Kramer is a Masochist

Whoever this Sgt. Kramer fellow is he is total f'ing masochist. 6 rounds of 10 squats with 2 minutes of rest is freaking brutal. We warmed up with some jump rope and then 3 rounds of 7 kte/7pullups and then a hydrant run. For the Sarge I did the following:

135x10, 155x10, 175x10, 165x10, 165x10 165x10. I think that I could do this at 175 straight across if I didn't feel like crap, but either way, I got a ton of volume in.

After we did some 400m sprints that were more like fast jogs. 1:30, 1:25, 1:15 with equal amounts of rest to run time. Overall it was a good day considering I am still at 80% or so.

One thing that has been crossing my mind is opening a restaurant. Maybe something where I can make healthy salads and dishes with a primal bent. No additives or unwanted foods in them. Not sure this is my calling but I am going to do some research.

Finally feeling better

After nearly a week of being knocked on my ass from this cold I am finally back to normal. I got basically nothing done while I was sick other than trying to procure a cow. That's right...a cow. I am buying one with my fellow crossfitters so that we can save some money on beef and really get cooking!! It should be a significant savings. $220 for close to 40 pounds of beef. What a steal!!

On top of that, I have been eating super clean while I was sick. The worst thing I had was some Mac and Cheese on Sunday. Otherwise it was super clean.

Today during my return to Crossfit we did a Cindy variation:

1 round of cindy, 1 Power clean (145lbs)
2nd round of Cindy, 2 power cleans
etc... for 20 minutes.

Finished 7 rounds and only had 2 cleans left for round 8. Considering that this was the comeback workout I felt pretty good about it. Next time I will be totally back and at it.

My neck hurts!! Damn you Sotts Press!!

So today I got to experience a fun new one. We did the Sotts Press today at the tent. Good times all around. It made me feel like the weakling that I am.

5*3 45 -50 - 55 - 60 - 65.

That ish is crazy difficult. Definitely the most demanding exercise I have done in terms of midline stability. It is crazy how you have to hold in the breath in order to actually keep the form needed to make the press. After we did:

5 Rounds
5L, 5R 50lb Db power snatch
10 swings
5 burpees
Lots of suck:
Time 7:17. Overall this was a good morning. Also not too crazy cold.

Fran, New Years and other thoughts

I did Fran last week. By far it was my fastest time. I finished in 5:33. I was really stoked about that, but still was a little frustrated about my lack of good pullup skills. I really need to get some more kipping endurance. I guess that means I will just have to kip more often.

Other workouts last week included a horrible team workout that consisted of 75 of the following: 115lb C+J, partner pullups, 115 lb lunges, and burpees. That really sucked. Especially being hungover. On Saturday it was Front squats 185 x 3 x 5 and a little metcon of 10 50 lb dumbell C+J (split cleans) and 15 pullups 3 rounds - 8min. This morning it was a tabata of wall ball, KB swing, and burpees 191 score. I should have done a 62lb kb but instead did the 53.

So sometime in the next week or so I am going to be getting to workout and personal resolutions. Not sure when, but I will try and do it when I have some free time next week.

1 Week Later

and I am back. Sorry I was gone for so long, but Christmas and life will do that. Speaking of Christmas, this was probably the best one that I have had in recent memory. For the first time in a while everyone was just happy. My mom said that this was the first Christmas that she was actually looking forward to in quite some time, and I think it definitely exceeded expectations. I did some great training last week and am eager to hit our WOD's 5 days a week in the new year. Speaking of which here was the deal today:

Helen - with a 62lb Bell.

8:54 I should have gone much faster. Kipping pullups are killing me. I really need to be better at these. It really pisses me off that I am not faster at kipping. This is a workout that is made for me. On another note I did pretty well with the heavy ass bell. Felt good to stay strong during a workout that afterwards made me want to vomit everywhere.

Sorta Bear Complex

I don't really know what to call the workout we did today. After some warmups and skill review with Adrian, we did the following.

With one weight and without dropping the bar:
5 deadlifts
5 HPC
5 Push Press
5 Front Squat

95 - 105 - 115 - 125 - 135

I really wish I had jumped a little faster on this. I think I could have done 140. 145 might have been pretty tough. Fun workout though, and it was nice because there was no time component.

Last saturday we did a workout on the minute 3 135Lb powercleans and 3 weighted pullups (for me between no weight and 20 lbs. Like I have said before, I suck balls at weighted pullups.

Walk the walk and Zelen/Helercher

Wow. Simply wow. On Wednesday I pulled a double. First time doing it and it was simply awesome. Especially because the second workout may have been the best/funnest group camaraderie workout I have participated in. Here was the deal:

5 Person team - As a team you need to overhead walk (145lbs in our case) 4 laps to the fire hydrant and back. Only one person can carry at a time and everytime someone drops the bar the team has to do 10 burpees on the first lap, 8 on the second, 6 on the third and 4 on the last. We did exactly 5 rounds of five. My guess is we did about 150ish burpees. This was awesome due to the fact that I thought there was no way that I could walk 145 lbs over my head for more than 2 feet. I probably had my longest walk around 75 yards. Check the pic here.

Today we did a horrible zercher squat amalgamation. Basically it was helen with zerchers:

3 rounds
400 m run
21/15/9 zerchers at 135
12 dead hang pullups.

I did all zerchers unbroken. Mainly because I didn't want to put the damn bar down. Dead hang pullups suck, and I suck at them. This is a giant glaring weakness along with: strength, handstand pushups, and regular pushups. I am going to take a skill each month to try and improve. Deadhangs will be the first one to tackle.

Last Thoughts - I weigh more today than I have in probably 9 or 10 months. I actually think this is a good thing as I believe that most of the 5 lb weight gain has been muscle. I still need to make sure I am pushing the strength envelope, but in general I feel this has been an awesome week of PR's. We will see if I can make it to CF tomorrow morning after James' thing tonight.

Californian's are P%ssies

There I said it. We are freaking p&ssies. Why you ask? Because as soon as it gets to 50 degrees outside we scream bloody murder. I was walking around today where its probably 47-55ish degrees. Everyone is shivering. Like this is the coldest cold spell they have ever experienced. Unfortunately I am no exception.

I mean its like minus 4 in the midwest right now, and we are bitching and moaning because yesterday we had to put on our big jacket. Seriously, when are we as a state going to sack up??

Couple Thoughts

So yesterday in the freezing bitterly cold evening with Kstar, we did an interesting little experiment. Here was the Interval

5 pike pushups
3 Thrusters L/R (each arm with 50lb DB)
2 steps with a push press L/R with 50 lb DB (total 4 step ups.
Rest ~1 Minute

Slowest time 49 seconds, fastest time 33 seconds.

Basically we had to beat our own times each time. The penalty was ten burpees. I failed once, but then it was double or nothing on burpees in the last round. I think we did about 8 rounds. The test involved the fact that under pressure we can perform significantly more work (or in this case faster work) than we can not under pressure. This was a fun little test, even if I was freezing my balls off.

This morning we did the following:
With 50lb Dumbells
5 Deadlifts
5 HPC
5 Push Press
10 pullups
15 Box jumps
13:24

This was not fastest enough. I was totally held up by the pullups. This is completely unacepptable. I never let myself rest more than 5 seconds between exercises. Need to get this down to three seconds. Also, I needed to do the work completely unbroken. Next time.

Tonight is another fun WOD by Kelly. I think my plan is to destroy myself this week. Awesome!!

Dale Carnegie

As I all know (no "we" because I am probably the only person who reads this blog) I really enjoy my Dale Carnegie classes. This is the first time that I have been a graduate assistant, and its been great. Its actually quite a bit tougher than I originally thought it would be, but I have loved the challenge of getting up in front of the group more and more.

The difficulty that I have has been less in the speeches, but more in the various interlude things we do. This includes opening a class, preparing to lead groups, etc... I really want to be a DC instructor and the fastest way to get there is to get up in front of the class and become more natural. In the class last night I felt that I really did that. It was the first time I was comfortable. No flubs in the speech, but I do need to bring quite a bit more energy to the table. Next time....

Working out in the hail!!

Today it hailed. When I was crossfitting outside. I think that might be a first. It always amazes me just how many people show up to the 6am class even though its freezing outside (or hailing). Then again, I always end up showing up.

Workout - Ladder progression (i.e. 1st minute 1 rep, 2nd minute 2 reps - 15 minutes 15 reps).
Burpees and 50lb DB thrusters. If you can't finish then reset.

So I did up to round 6 (missing one of the thrusters) - then up to round 4 then up to round 5 again, missing the last two thrusters.

Total reps: 51 burpees, 47 thrusters.

This was absolutely brutal. First time doing 50 lb dumbell thrusters. That shit is significantly more difficult than the 45's. It requires way more stability. One thing I noticed is that I really need to work on midline stability. Its lacking and its going to flare up one of these days if I don't do anything about it.

Deeper Thoughts -

I am now in a period where I feel like I need to challenge myself on every occasion. I really enjoyed the fact that this was really difficult. Not from a lungs perspective, but from a strength perspective. I still need to focus more and more on strength, but hey this is definitely a start.

Jackie

Today was Jackie - 1000m row, 50 45lb barbell thrusters and 30 pullups - 8:33.

This was a great little workout. I had done this maybe 6 months ago with jumping pullups for about the same time. It was about when I first learned how to do pullups. Now that I am more than a year in it was good to get them all done. In my estimation I should be able to do this workout about a minute to a minute and a half faster. I could maybe take 10 seconds off the row and 20-30 seconds off the thrusters (btw did them without setting the bar down, but not unbroken). The pullups were the limiting factor. I came into pullups at about the 5:30 -6 minute mark and they took 2.5 minutes. Way to long. Next time I will get them in less than 2 minutes to bring my time in around 8 or less.

So I am skipping work today. Its not too often that I really skip work, so I am not sure how I feel about it. I am still not sure what I am looking for in a career right now, but either way, I feel that I need to decide if I am sticking it out with my job. The trouble seems to be that I don't really have anything else lined up. Lucky for me I always seem to be able to pull something through exactly when I need it.

On another note, I was having a discussion with a fellow Dale Carnegie participant this last week. I realized a couple things during that discussion. First, I realized that I am really missing a challenge in my professional life right now. I think that is part of the reason that I am embarking on this journey to be a speaker for Dale Carnegie. I really want to teach, and I feel that this is a good outlet for that. On top of that I realized just what I love about Crossfit. Its a challenge!! A real honest to goodness challenge. I need that in my life to continue my own personal growth. Its good to know this, now what to do with it....

McFlurry and other thoughts

So yesterday I did Mcflurry. Its a workout for a guy named Miguel Flores, a crossfitter from the San Diego area. Miguel passed away on Monday from a car accident. From everything I have heard, he is a wonderful guy.

The story of Miguel and the tributes that have gone out to him make me think of my own legacy. Everyone that has known him has said that he was a tremendous crossfitter, but an even better person. This makes me wonder if people will think the same of me. I love the people in my life, work, and in other random facets. The one thing I want is to be remembered for being a great person. As people we have to constantly work to better ourselves. Although we may excel in one area of our lives, we may be underperforming in others.

This is the way I feel in my job right now. I am underperforming. Can I get back to where I was? That is difficult to say. But I know that I have to give my all in all areas of my life if I truly want to be remembered as someone that was loved by many people. Does this sound selfish? Yes, I think it does. However, I want to be known for treating all people as well as I can treat them. This is definitely a learning experience for someone who has been as self-centered as I have been during my life. This is a bit of a tangent, but I feel that it is necessary self reflection. There may not be a next time, so you better do the best you can now.

Been a bit

So I have missed a few days. Last Thursday we did a team workout. It was row 250m, do as many 135lb C+J. I did 18 of the C+J's, which I was very proud of. Total of 15 minutes time.

On Saturday we did FGB - Score 307 - I was totally stoked with this score. My guess was that it was in the top 5 of scores.

Today we did deadlifts. I haven't heavy deadlifted in quite some time.

WU - 45lbx5 - 135X5 - 175x5
Sets - 225x5 - 245x5 - 255x5- 265x5 - 275x2

Awesome and so stoked about the fact that I did 5 times my previous 1RM.

Overhead Squats and Push Presses

On Tuesday (I missed Monday, didn't sleep so hot after the drinkfest at Bernard's place) Kevin was teaching and we did OH squats and weighted pushups. I can't remember my rounds but they weren't as good as I thought.

Today it was 3 rounds for time of 15 push presses (105 lbs), 20 air squats, hydrant run. Time 9:02. I didn't feel too bad about this. I was destroyed by the Push Presses on the last set. Everything else I was burning through, but either way I liked this. Looking forward to tomorrow's morning WOD.

So on Sunday night I was supposed to go see Juliet and the new kiddy but they ended up inviting me over for dinner at Bernard and Pam's house. Sooooooo awesome. We had Fred's Steak, which was absolutely amazing. I am actually going to make this for some friends of mine tomorrow for dinner. So excited.

Nick

What the Hell was I thinking

Ok so I came to Crossfit for my fourth day in a row. What the hell was I thinking? Boz was out of town, so Angel was there to give us a torturous workout.

5 rounds of
15 power snatch
9 burpee box jumps

17:38

Couple of things here. I was snatching 75lbs. Probably could have done more, but we don't do this movement that often and I would rather be safe than sorry. On top of that it was my fourth straight day. I have never been more bruised in my life. My legs are black and blue from mid-shin to upper thigh. This week was killer with 135lb power cleans on Tuesday, deadlifts yesterday and snatches today, my legs are absolutely black and blue. I am soooooo ready to take a few days off. I know that my body needs it.

Secondly, I have been having this conversation with myself about why I am doing crossfit (at least at this intensity). I think I found the reason in the bathroom a few days ago. I walk into a public restroom and see this old man. He is not homeless, but he is about my size and build. He has a cane, is permanently hunched over, and one of his eye's is bloodshot. I have no idea what happened to this man during his life. However, I know that I want to do everything in my power to not be where he is when I am his age.

The Chief!!! and some deadlifting

So last night was the Chief!! with KStar:

5 rounds of 3 minutes each with a 1 minute rest:

3 135lb cleans
6 Pushups
9 Squats

3.3, 3, 3, 3, 3

This was fun but tough. Seeing how this is the first time I have done that many 135 lb power cleans I was pretty stoked.

This morning was

3 rounds of Hydrant Run
12 185lb Deadlifts
21 box jumps
-10:52

This was a pretty killer follow up to yesterday, but also fun.

I am still beginning to wonder about this transition I am making. At what point do I really need this much fitness? As I continue to push myself and these workouts get harder and harder, what is this really doing for me personally? Is this the chance to tackle difficult things that I have never done before? If that's the case, should I maybe be climbing instead? Or hiking half dome? Or is this me making sure if I get into some crazy situation I have the fitness I need to do whatever it is I am going to do. If that is the case, what is it that is actually going to happen? And will me being able to do 50 155lb C+J in a workout really mean the difference between life and death? It kinda reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where he is on a plane and he is demonstrating how reclining is death, and normal is life....Although, I recently found out that the reclining is death to the person behind you, because they might not be able to get out.

Anyway I am just babbling now. Thanks for listening internet.

Finally

Finally, I am posting again. I am going to be a little more religious, because I know that I have been slacking for the last month or so. Anyway, the program today was as follows:

Coach: Boz
WOD: 15 minutes - fence run, 15 Box jumps, 15 kb swings amrap

I think I did six plus a run, I know that I was one set behind Eric, he said he did 8, so in that case I did 7. Doesn't matter, it was alot, and it was with the infinitely heavier 62lb KB. That thing was much much harder than a 52er. Boz was on me to only rest for three seconds. This has been my biggest problem, too much rest.

This is actually an interesting time in my own personal crossfit development. I have gotten to the point where I should be increasing weight to get to the as rx weights, but I should also be moving into more of the hardcore non rest status. I am definitely still loving crossfit and everything that it is about, but I don't know if I want to be any more 'hardcore' than I already am. I come five days a week, always give it everything I have, eat well and enjoy the people. If I eek out that extra bit of time on a daily basis is it really going to make me any happier. Maybe from the standpoint that I actually did give every little ounce that I had.

I guess I will find out over the next two months.